I Will Not Live Forever

I am not concerned that anyone I know may read my blog; it is highly unlikely that they even know I realize how to blog, which I find extremely amusing. You see, they think I am getting older and when computer were invented was also the time I learned to use one. Little do they know I have been blogging for over ten years on various sites.

 Here I am, one day they will find this knowing that I care, have always been there through tough and good times. Mama's do not live forever, something I have figured out eight months ago. There are things I wish I had said, done, or acted more appropriately. I can only pray she left us knowing how much I loved her. That word "love" is the key to all things; it can overcome everything even hate. A little advice if you will indulge me for a post or two.

 When talking to your Mother remember above all things to never yell, raise your voice, or antagonize her. This is not only a sign of disrespect, but weakness on your part. This is the woman that raised you to be the person you are; she is not a child to be reprimanded. If we lived in an era two generations ago this type of behavior would have you picking your teeth up from the floor, severe ringing in the ears, and a remembrance that irregardless of your age she is still your Mother and commands the respect she deserves.

 Each moment you have should be treasured, remembered, and non confrontational. If you are an adult living in her home do not think it gives you the right to speak to her on your level ; she is not your friend. She is your Mother. I am gender neutral, can never go to the bathroom alone without conversation, nor have a telephone conversation between person A and B without person C sticking their nose in. There is no privacy when you are a Mother from the day they come home until the day you pass out of this world to a better place.

 Do not put us in the middle of a sibling argument, every Mom handles this differently; my response is, "I can't stand either one of you exactly the same right now." Which means I refuse to take sides. A story has two sides and somewhere between the beginning and the end is the truth. I am sick, and the stress makes my illness worse. I find myself in pain and the chaos begins, I mean seriously you can't do this when I am feeling great? Ten hours straight of bickering has my pain trigger at an all time high, but you don't seem to care, you have a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth.

 Do not try tears on me they do not work, nor does anger, loudness, screaming, or the famous pity party. I do not feel guilty, because I invented it! Every Mother has their own form of guilting you into doing something positive with your life if only you could return the favor with some kindness.

 As I sit here at two in the morning, starting this post three pages, exactly two hours ago with my mind flowing vigorously of the past day I tried but cannot sleep an all too familiar occurrence. The pain is hurting, but you all know that I need to be alert for Grandpa.

 The lack of empathy astounds the senses , where did it all go wrong, exactly when did it all go wrong? I took you to church, then adulthood hit and you abandoned those ideals however I am grateful that you show compassion and share your "bible" teachings although you do not understand the magnitude of which scripture speaks.

 I am not ageless, I will pass why not enjoy the time we have instead of what is happening now?